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Post by BD on Nov 16, 2006 18:33:55 GMT -5
I've been working on a Neon Genesis Evangelion fic, here's a little sample...
Neon Genesis Evangelion: This Fallen Earth We Walk
Prolouge
It has been three months since the aborted Third Impact and some weird happening took place. Following Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu's arrival on the beach, little balls of white light all fell down into the sea of LCL, and People began to Reappear, some destroyed by the Impact, some destroyed long before. Among these people are: Misato Katsuragi, Ritsuko Akagi, Maya Ibuki and the rest of the NERV staff in the Command center,Toji Suzuhara, Kensuke Aida, Hikari Horaki, and Ryoji Kaji.
Since the reappearance of all the Earth's inhabitants, Tokyo-3 and all the other Cities magically changed back to the way everything looked before the 3rd. However, some things never change, and as always a new enemy is waiting to pounce on this new world.
The Evangelions have all been destroyed and a new type of defense unit known as Realios has been built. These are similar to the Evangelions in many ways, however, they are fully mechanical and have the same mobility and power as Evangelions. They appear to have Evangelion like forms, but they are completely encased in Metal and their head look like High Tech Commander helmets.
The Pilots are all safe with the exception of Rei Ayanami who's condition is unknown. Pilots Touji Suzuhara and Asuka Langley Sohryu have also had something magical happen to them, Touji's Arm and Leg have been fully repaired and are the exact same as his biological pair, and Asuka's eye has also returned to her in her naturral state, with not even so much as a bruise to her. As for the hero of the impact Shinji Ikari, he is currently in a coma after passing out on the beach after his attempted strangling of Asuka. He still has yet to wake up...
Howuzzat?
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Post by Evil McBadGuy on Nov 16, 2006 18:43:03 GMT -5
Seems pretty good so far, keep it up.
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Post by Ribitta on Nov 17, 2006 13:36:03 GMT -5
that's really confusing, did I miss something before?
and a little note, idk if it was on purpose, but you capitalized words like impact and reapearing
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Post by BD on Nov 17, 2006 15:25:56 GMT -5
You need to watch End of Evangelion to know where i'm coming from.
Also, repairing was an accidental capitalization, I do that alot... Impact wasn't because The "3rd Impact" was an important event in History. You capitalize things like the Revolutionary War, why not something like 3rd Impact...?
Anyways, thanks for the comments guys, New chapter up hopefully late tonight, if not expect it on Sunday, cuz tommorrow is OSU-Michigan and that'll take my whole day...
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Post by Evil McBadGuy on Nov 17, 2006 15:27:16 GMT -5
cuz tommorrow is OSU-Michigan and that'll take my whole day... For that, you get exalted. |
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Post by Morph on Nov 17, 2006 15:36:46 GMT -5
Some small thing, aside from the random capitalization: Instead of that, perhaps better would have been: Yes? Other than that, it's pretty well written. I like it. Nice intro.  |
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Post by Ribitta on Nov 17, 2006 15:59:47 GMT -5
You need to watch End of Evangelion to know where i'm coming from. ok, I'll look into that |
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Post by BD on Nov 17, 2006 16:03:42 GMT -5
I actually already had chapter 1 written, so i'll update now I guess and wait 'til Sunday, no wait, Monday to update again. (Browns-Steelers is Sunday...)
Neon Genesis Evangelion: This Fallen Earth We Walk
Chapter 1: How far shall we sink?
Location: Unknown Room
“It almost worked!” said the voice of none other than Keel Lorenz, head of SEELE, “But now, our dream can’t be a reality…The Evas have all been destroyed with the exception of our Mass production models…And to top it off Lillith is dead and the Black Moon destroyed!”
“Calm Down Keel…” said SEELE 3 with the typical Sound Only logo, “We may have lost, but we can still get revenge on those brats at NERV with our Evas…”
“Yes, but how, we would need to make some sort of threat at the city to get the pilots to come out…” said SEELE 4.
“We’re already considered enemies, and we’ve been stripped of our governmental power, so what do we have to lose if we send our Evas to wreak havoc on Tokyo-3…?” SEELE 3 said
“Yes, we shall follow that idea, deploy all MP Evas equipped with replica Sacred Lances, and Dummy plugs,” Keel Said, “Meeting adjourned!”
Location: The apartment of Misato Katsuragi
Misato’s apartment was as usual on a morning, little did the occupants know, today wouldn’t be ordinary…
“Finally, just one more day after today and school lets out for the Summer!” yelled Asuka Langley Sohryu as she punched a fist in the air.
“Yeah, then all the quiet goes away,” Misato said sarcastically as she sipped a beer.
“HEY!”
Misato chuckled, but suddenly the phone rang.
“Hello?” Misato answered.
“Hey old friend…” Ritsuko Akagi replied.
“Oh, hey Rits, I was gonna call you, wanna take a night on the town tonight?”
“We’ll talk about that at the office today, anyways, will Asuka be here for the synch test?”
“Yeah, I ‘motivated’ her to come.”
“Good, you know, it’s kinda sad, we have 2 Realios right now, and only one piloted…”
“Yeah, but when the other two are ready and ship, we’ll have more, but we’ll have to hope one is enough to protect the city right now…”
“Truth is, I’ve heard they’re thinking about replacing Shinji…” Ritsuko said somewhat sadly.
“NO, THEY CAN’T, HE’LL PULL THROUGH!” Misato said in an outburst.
“Truth is, his situation doesn’t look to good right now, the odds that he wakes up are still 300 to 1 right now…”
“But…”
“Never mind, I gotta run a few tests, see you at work today…”
“Right, bye”
Misato hung the phone up. She looked and saw that Asuka had left for school.
“*sigh* Truth is, I’m sinking and I can’t stop anymore, with Shinji in a coma, Asuka not around half the time, I have no one to really hang onto except Rits and Kaji, when he’s in town… how far am I going to sink?...”
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Post by BD on Nov 20, 2006 19:48:30 GMT -5
A/N: Apologetics for the Double Post, but I need to get this short 2nd chapter attention...
Neon Genesis Evangelion-This Fallen Earth We Walk
Chapter 2:The Hellspawns
"I'm telling you Hikari, it's Shinji This, Shinji that, Misato doesn't shut up about the loser!" Asuka said in an enraged tone, the two were chatting between classes at their lockers.
"Well, he did save us all..." Hikari said hesitantly.
"Save us!? He tried to strangle me on the beach, he starts wailing then, then Falls into a coma! Some hero...!" Asuka said, she proceeded to swear like crazy in German until a boy with Brown hair walked up behind her.
"Well someone has quite the temper..." The boy said in a sarcastically chiding way.
"Ugh, Get lost, i'mi not in the mood to reject losers, oh God, i've told you Rick, i'm not going out with you no matter what..." Asuka said.
"Actually, I'm not here to ask for a date, i'm here to tell you this, say your prayers!" The boy, now known as Rick, said as he brandished a knife and slashed wounding Asuka's arm with a deep cut.
"Ahhh!" Asuka said as she clutched her arm in pain.
The second Asuka's cry was heaard Section-2 agents swarmed the building, and one snuck up and knocked Rick out.
"Err, it needs Medical attention..." Asuka said regarding her cut.
"We'll get you to the school Nurse, Miss Asuka," An Agent said.
A few hours later, Misato and Ritsuko were going over the Realios specifications when Asuka stormed in with her severly wounded Ego.
"Alright, i'm here already, can we get ready for this synch test...!?" Asuka said in an incredibly Irascible mood.
"You won't be taking this test alone though, Asuka..." Ritsuko said in a secretive tone.
"What do you mean, there's 2 units 1 pilot right now, right!?" Asuka said, she obviously wanted the glory to herself.
Footsteps were heard down the hall, suddenly a thought came to Asuka's mind,"No, could he really be...?"
"Hello, Asuka..." said the voice of Shinji Ikari.
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Post by BD on Dec 24, 2006 16:31:19 GMT -5
Omake: REVIVAL!
Neon Genesis Evangelion: This Fallen Earth We Walk
Chapter 3: How long must we sing this song?...
"Sh-Sh-Shinji?!" Asuka said slightly disturbed.
Asuka had grown afraid of the day Shinji would wake out of fear for her life. He nearly strangled he once, what's to stop him from finishing the job then?
"Yes?" Shinji replied.
Thanks to that reply Asuka knew that Shinji had returned to his wimpy state,"Well at least you didn't die, third!"
There was some silence, then eventually Misato spoke,"Shinji will return to living with us, let's do the synch test, thenhead home..."
Misato found out what happened at the beach, and she knew Asuka was spooked, but it didn't matter, Shinji changed back.
The two pilots entered the fake plugs and started their synchronization tests," Well this is interesting, Asuka is back up to 72 and Shinji's at 89, it appears the aborted third may have done a bit of good after all..."
Meanwhile in his plug shinji was thinking to himself"What happened to me, I remember snapping, then crying, then passing out, and before that I had that strange thing going on with Rei, Kaworu,Lillith, and my mother...What all happened...?"
Asuka was thinking as well,"What if he tries to kill me again, why did he before, Oh, there's too many questions that need answered!?"
"Asuka, calm down, your synch ration's getting totally wacky!" Ritsuko yelled from the control booth.
Unfortanutely, Asuka couldn't stop and suddenly Shinji jumped out of his plug and dived toward Asuka's.
"Calm down Damnit!" he yelled as he pulled the manual entrance to the plug and forced it to open, burning his hands in the process.
"Shinji, you, saved me...I-I-thought you wanted to kill me?" Asuka said stunned.
"Asuka, you need to know what I went through in that Eva during the Third to understand what happened..." Shinji said.
Omake 2:
Dranzer:flashbacks ahead people...
Shinji: Am I going to be a wuss in this fic?...
Dranzer: No, i'm not like Gainax in terms of how I like to portray characters...
Tune in for Chapter 4 next time, THAT's ALL FOLKS!
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Post by Morph on Dec 25, 2006 13:52:27 GMT -5
Pretty interesting, BD. :) Haven't read all of it yet, but maybe will in the near future.
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