All Fixed up and ready to go Ferus V2

[Ribitta]

Fix the bold tags for the strengths and weaknesses first of all.

Also, for bulky and 6'3" he's rediculously underweight. Seriously, he should easily be fifty pounds heavier, and if you want him bulky, maybe another ten or twenty.

How easy to harm is Ferus in his second form, without a serious downside to that, it could become unbelievably cheap. You'd never be able to kill him, he'd just slip into that form and run away. Then slip back out and attack you.

[BD]

He can't attack immediately after leaving it, and he's also really weak in the form. Added to sheet.

[Ribitta]

You say he cannot interact with objects, does this include the ground?

And can physical attacks harm him in this state, or only magic? Or all of them?

[BD]

Magical can, physical could not. He can't touch physical things, how could they touch him?

[Rising Dragon]

His weight should be a bit more higher, by at least 15 to 20 pounds or so. Also, there's no point in linking to his techs yet--they haven't been accepted. Personality needs to be fleshed out some. List some examples of normally visible scars, so we can have a better idea of what he looks like. And finally, try to put a space after each : mark.

Also, Ferus makes me think of The Kurgan. Kudos to you if you know what the hell I'm talking about.

Also, Adam takes offense to the swipe you took at his expense.

... also, can this even be accepted? He's a beta rank, and with the current restrictions...

[BD]

The first sheet (This with a few VERY minor changes) got rejected before i had the time to edit again.

BTW, I get the highlander reference...

[Ribitta]

(Note: oh wow, just previewed this. I'm sorry in advance.)



To answer your last question, R.D.:

Yes, I believe we may accept this. Betas have been accepted in the past that simply had need of editing. This was posted a while back and to ease our pain in looking for edits on the old one, he posted a new one.


Alright. Now I'm gunna get really picky... because I can. Try not to get the wrong impression, BD, I do indeed like the character =P

In the first three strengths, "in" is completely caps.

Clothing/Armor:

Ferus wears Black leather pants that outline his ridiculously strong legs, he holds them up with a belt also made of leather, that has random studs and Zippers strewn across it in a sloppy manner.

One big run-on sentence. Use semi-colons or conjunctions instead of commas.

Second sentence pf physical appearance "he" is incomplete.

Synopsis of section: start sentences with more than just nouns.

Physical Appearance:
First sentence: 200 pounds is not all that extreme if you meant it to be. I've seen someone do 300 with the Military Press.

He has scars from careless adressment of wounds, he doesn’t care much though, just because he thinks it makes him look toughe Very distinct ones are the one running all the way down his left forearm in a diagonal beeline, given to him by Kite; A small dent in his right shoulder's side; a rather large circle on his stomach, and a small red line going diagonally down the left side of his forehead.

*cough* This is all one sentence, with at least one spelling error in it. Also, semi-colons aren't followed by a word with a capital letter.

Long ruffled black hair, Charcoal Grey eyes, teeth that form a jagged smile.

....and? Sentence fragment. Fix it.

As for the weight, yes I think agree with R.D., that crosses past very muscular into the fat-zone. Maybe just a little farther down.

Synopsis: fix the run-ons.

Personality: Try stringing some sentences together. For example the first one could easily sound much more human with a conjunction. (For, and, nor, but, or, yet, so... just for reference. I'm sure you already knew them)

Finally, the last sentence or two talks about his mental illness. This is HUGE! Expound on this please. This could very well be why he can control certain people more easily. This also should be in his history, just as a note. Talk about actions that have followed from this.

Synopsis: Make the sentences flow better and expound on his mental illness.

Equipment: Does he wield it with two hands? If not, definitely tone down the size. I had a longsword once that had a blade little more than four feet. The thing was huge. With height, tone down the width too.

If it's two handed, well, I suppose we have another sword like Cloud's.

Oh, and describe the handle please.

Other items: Obviously none is fine, just don't get caught using any spare gold or drinking a potion or what-not.

Yeah... I just needed to say something on this section.

Special Abilities:Tone down his strength to be in credence with what he can lift over his head. Should be about a 150 pounds difference I think.


Transformations: Looks good, seeing as we've been through this one already. I would like to see him and the Master Chief have a bit of a foot race though.

Battle Style Strictly offense yet you mention defense? Also, while in defense you say over five minutes straight. How much over? Could we be waiting five hours for him? Or just like thirty seconds over five?



Companions: I think the mirror-mes you were last teamed up with would count. Their names are in R.D.'s character list. Unless either of you have an objection to this of course.

History: I'm running out of gas on correcting grammar here, so R.D. can do that if he wishes to for some reason. Add when his mental illness occurred please as I noted above.

I do like how up-to-date it is though.


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.....and we're done. I apologize if this somehow offended you, but I think it's time we had another perfect character sheet. He is a Beta and canon to the plot, I think he's more than deserving of as perfect as us mortals can get something.

[Morph]

Since I have looked through this again, could you please make the changes Ribs asked for?

[Ribitta]

He has them, except for a couple of parts. He doesn't have a lot of time, only to post briefly or perhaps make a minor correction or two at one time. He'll get it done.