You got RPG clichés!

[Morph]

WARNING: LARGE POST AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Alright, so recently I found this incredibly interesting and funny list called The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés.

Then, just now, I got an idea: and that is to find all these clichés within our very own RPG right here! Okay, so it's not a Console thing, but still.


For instance, I took a look at rule number 2: "No! My beloved peasant village!"
I immediately thought I wasn't involved! I swear! due to various accusations on my person of suffering of Chronic Pyromaniacal Tendencies. Which I do.

Then, just three rules further, at number 5, I just couldn't help but agree. Indeed, aside from Ymaggion Staff, everyone's below 20, no?

And it goes on. For example, rules # 15-17. Let's take a look at those.

Rule # 15: Hey, I Know You!
You will accumulate at least three of these obligatory party members:
- The spunky princess who is rebelling against her royal parent and is in love with the hero. I dunno... Arya?
- The demure, soft-spoken female mage and healing magic specialist who is not only in love with the hero, but is also the last survivor of an ancient race. For as far as I know, we don't got one. Yet.
- The tough-as-nails female warrior who is not in love with the hero (note that this is the only female character in the game who is not in love with the hero and will therefore be indicated as such by having a spectacular scar, a missing eye, cyborg limbs or some other physical deformity -- see The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Rule.) Alasea, I'd say, since there isn't really one main 'hero'..
- The achingly beautiful gothy swordsman who is riven by inner tragedy. RD? o.0 Aside from the gothy part?
- The big, tough, angry guy who, deep down, is a total softy.
- The hero's best friend, who is actually much cooler than the hero. I so wanted to say "Morph" here, but that would make Juno the hero, and there isn't just one hero, now is there?
- The grim, selfish mercenary who over the course of the game learns what it means to really care about other people. Kalmar Uverth. Def'.
- The character who is actually a spy for the bad guys but will instantly switch to your side when you find out about it. Kaitlon, Recko-Ryan and Dokuro all defected, in their own way.
- The weird bonus character who requires a bizarre series of side quests to make them effective (with the ultimate result that no player ever uses this character if it can be avoided.) Uhhh...
- The nauseatingly cute mascot who is useless in all battles. Nya-kun. But is ACTUALLY effective. Very, even.


Rule # 16: Hey, I Know You, Too!
You will also confront/be confronted by at least three of these obligatory antagonists:
- The amazingly good-looking and amazingly evil long-haired prettyboy who may or may not be the ultimate villain. OHMIGOSH WHY IZNT KURO-CHAN A BISHIEEEE???!!!^^
- The villain's loyal right-hand man, who comes in two versions: humorously incompetent or annoyingly persistent. The first group would be Legion's henchmen, the second would be the Sons Of Darkness.
- The villain's attractive female henchman, who is the strongest and most competent soldier in the army but always lets the party escape because she's, yes, fallen in love with the hero. ...FYI, I am NOT gonna make Meta fall in love with ANY of you wannabes! GOT THAT? XP
- Your former ally who supposedly "died" and was forgotten about, until much later in the game when he/she shows up again on the villain's side and full of bitterness. Meta/Morph!
- The irritatingly honorable foe whom you never get to kill because, upon discovering the true nature of his superiors, he either nobly sacrifices himself or joins your party. Don' look-a me.
- The insane clown or jester who will turn out to be surprisingly difficult to subdue. Dokuro?
- The mad scientist who likes creating mutated creatures and powerful weapons 'cause it's fun (and also handy if uninvited adventurers show up.) I would so do this.
- The adorably cute li'l creature or six year old child who fights you and, inexplicably, kicks your butt time after time. Er... Cailin, the boy who was possessed by Legion? Or Maya?


Rule # 17: Hey, I Know You, Three!
Furthermore, expect to encounter most of the following obligatory non-player chararcters (NPCs):
- The townsperson or crewmember who wanders aimlessly in circles and never quite gets where he is going. I don't know, Dr. Cossack? XD
- Hilariously incompetent or cowardly soldiers. Uhhh, since when have we ACTUALLY encountered soldiers?
- The NPC who has a crush on another NPC and can't quite work up the nerve to tell him or her, so instead tells every other person who wanders by about it at great length. Nope.
- A group of small children playing hide-and-seek. Njet.
- The wise and noble captain/king/high priest. Never.
- The wise and noble captain/king/high priest's splutteringly evil second-in-command. Nobody, including the hero, will notice the second's constant, crazed scheming until the moment when he betrays everyone to the forces of badness. Never too.
- The NPC who is obsessed with his completely mundane job and witters on endlessly about how great it is. He's so thrilled by it that he wants to share it with everyone he sees, so given a quarter of a chance he'll make you do his job for him. Nuh-uh.
- The (adult) NPC who has nothing better to do than play kids' games with passersby. No. NEXT!
- The group of young women who have formed a scarily obsessive fan club for one of your female party members. Alasea... beware.


Then going a bit further, we come across something that I personally think is just overused in the RPG: "Most villains in RPGs possess some form of teleportation."
I'm-a lookin' at YOU, you-who-know-I-am-talking-about-you!

Also, rule number 54, sadly, has not been used so much. There just HAVE to be more GIANT ROBOTS! >8O

Also, I wonder if rule number 59 really applies to us. I mean, Matt, RD and Alasea form one group, and the first five - Juno, Morph, Blazen, Zane and Jaden - formed another group. Too bad the latter has since fallen apart.

Alright, moving on.

I must tell y'all I really like those "Rules of Travel". Few of them apply to the RPG here, though. Especially Four and Six. I would probably be involved.

Rules 91 and 97 also apply, RLY.

Oh, and I must stress that rule number 101 DOES NOT apply to Nya. ;o

YET.


MORE TO BE ADDED LATER ON

[003]

Actually Morphman, Juno is well over a thousand years old, as is Mars. Wallace, I believe, is several years over 15 as well.

27-Nostradamus Rule
All legends are 100% accurate. All rumors are entirely factual. All prophecies will come true, and not just someday but almost immediately.

Oh yeah! You know it! XD We have tons of that, my friends!

29-Indestructible Weapon Rule
No matter how many times you use that sword to strike armored targets or fire that gun on full auto mode it will never break, jam or need any form of maintenance unless it is critical to the story that the weapon breaks, jams or needs maintenance.

We got dat, too

111-Principle of Archaeological Convenience
Every ancient machine you find will work perfectly the first time you try to use it and every time thereafter. Even if its city got blasted into ruins and the machine was then sunk to the bottom of the sea and buried in mud for ten thousand years, it'll still work fine. The unfortunate corollary to this rule is that ancient guardian creatures will also turn out to be working perfectly when you try to filch their stuff.

Sounds like Legends =P Also sounds kinda like when Juno found The Staff Of The Ancients.



~Juno~

[Morph]

juno said:

Actually Morphman, Juno is well over a thousand years old, as is Mars.

And how old is Hailin, huh?


BTW, added stuff.

[003]

143 - Falling Rule
An RPG character can fall any distance onto anything without suffering anything worse than brief unconsciousness. In fact, falling a huge distance is an excellent cure for otherwise fatal wounds -- anyone who you see shot, stabbed, or mangled and then tossed off a cliff is guaranteed to return later in the game with barely a scratch.

Zero, X Command Missions XD

168 - Way To Go, Serge
It will eventually turn out that, for a minimum of the first sixty percent of the game, you were actually being manipulated by the forces of evil into doing their sinister bidding for them. In extreme cases this may go as high as 90%. The clear implication is that it would have been better to not get involved in the first place.

Hmm... I gotta try that sometime

Gilligan's Prescription
Any character who has amnesia will be cured before the end of the game. They usually won't like what they find out about themselves, though.

R.D., anyone?

176 - "Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb!"
If the villain needs all ten legendary medallions to attain world domination and you have nine of them, everybody in your party still thinks it is neccessary to bring the nine to the villain's castle and get the final one, instead of hiding the ones they've already got and spoiling his plans that way. After you foolishly bring the legendary medallions to the villain's hideout, he will kidnap one of your companions (usually the main love interest) and you will trade the world away to rescue your friend.

177 - Dark Helmet's Corollary
After you give up the medallions to save your friend/parent/lover/other miscellaneous party member, don't expect to actually get that person back. Sucker!

Kuro Says: "I must try this some day."

181 - Poetic Villain Principle (Kefka Rule)
All villains will suddenly become poets, philisophers, and/or dramatic actors when a) they first meet the hero, b) they are about to win or their evil plan is finally ready, c) some major event in the game is about to begin, d) right before the final battle, and e) right before they die, when they will frequently be feeling generous enough to reward you with some homespun wisdom about making the most of life while you have it.

Kuro's done that plenty



~Juno~

[BD]

Heh, Parental controls had blocked this, I know the bypass code now though, it's occured to me i'm the only one with non-stereotypical characters in that list...minus Ferus (or rather, that dead guy...).

I noticed these and chuckled.

# The group of young women who have formed a scarily obsessive fan club for one of your female party members. In this case it's a Woman not tons of them, that's obsessed with Squall-esque characters, (Kite,Dranzer,Rua...ETC.)

George W. Bush Geography Simplification Initiative
Every country in the world will have exactly one town in it, except for the country you start out in, which will have three. Yep, that's Ymaggion...

[Evil McBadGuy]

- The weird bonus character who requires a bizarre series of side quests to make them effective (with the ultimate result that no player ever uses this character if it can be avoided.)

That be DreamSword.

# The group of young women who have formed a scarily obsessive fan club for one of your female party members. In this case it's a Woman not tons of them, that's obsessed with Squall-esque characters, (Kite,Dranzer,Rua...ETC.)

Heheheheheh....Crystal.

- The amazingly good-looking and amazingly evil long-haired prettyboy who may or may not be the ultimate villain.

Probly Shade.

[Morph]

dream said:

- The amazingly good-looking and amazingly evil long-haired prettyboy who may or may not be the ultimate villain.

Probly Shade.

Whattahoo? o_0

Staff gone antagonistic now?

[Evil McBadGuy]

admin said:

dream said:

Probly Shade.

Whattahoo? o_0

Staff gone antagonistic now?

He's more leaning towards the "may not" than"may"

[Great Saiyaman]

admin said:

- The big, tough, angry guy who, deep down, is a total softy.

*slowly, very slowly raises hand* .....

[Morph]

1. Is Shade long-haired and bishie-like? Then he indeed is such a type.

2. lol, Blazen. ;D

[Evil McBadGuy]

He's long haired.

[Morph]

dream said:

He's long haired.

But is he bishie-like? ;o

[Evil McBadGuy]

admin said:

dream said:

He's long haired.

But is he bishie-like? ;o

Depends if he has any fan-girls.

[Rising Dragon]

Rule # 54: I Don't Like Gears Or Fighting
There are always giant robots. Always.

There are now two giant robots in the IO RPG. >_>

[BD]

risingdragon said:

Rule # 54: I Don't Like Gears Or Fighting
There are always giant robots. Always.

There are now two giant robots in the IO RPG. >_>

3

Are you referring to your MP *slaps mout shut*